2nd Saturday Gallery Show Pics

Manuel, Jenny, Marissa and Travis in front of 2 paintings at show and me by myself

Anwee

It has been a few weeks since I have written anything. I have not felt like writing, painting and at times not even leaving the house.
ANWEE.....is the term for not caring. I was told I was in the state of ANWEE.
I am trying to break through and took a couple of pictures for a photo contest......A winery looking for artwork.....I took this pic.....it feels uninspired.
I had a CT scan a week ago today. I have waited all week for results to see if the cancer is progressing or is being ebbed by the toxic chemo.
I am still waiting.......I go back on Wednesday for another treatment, which will be followed by the side effects and possibly more ANWEE.
A week ago I did go see the movie with the girls called Little Miss Sunshine. Probably the best movie I have seen in long time. Filled with laughter and true humor. A few hours to forget.
Sleeping is becoming a problem......I go to bed and feel so tired yet I lie awake for hours and finally drift asleep....only to awake after 3 to 4 hours.
This is most likely contributing to my mood.
I painted yesterday.......at 430 am.....I wanted to paint what ANWEE felt like.......the picture is black and white........funny thing is I don't think I truely painted the feelings.......
It is the weekend.....time to put on a happy face....

Its been awhile

It has been awhile to post to the blog. I have been sick and the chemo has taken its toll on me. Last Wednesday was another infusion. I had the nurse from hell. She tried to insert the IV and I told her please place it up in the top part of my arm and she said I need to start on your forearm.....Big Mistake! She began digging into my skin and it was painful....finally she found the vien and started the process. Chemo started about 830am and the first drug was pumped into me. The sleep that comes with the drug is welcome yet it feels as you leave your body and are floating above....hoping and praying to return.....Two other drugs were put in then the final drug was connected. The nurse from hell had a hard time with the IV machine and finally got it started. 10 minutes later Marissa noticed a puddle of liquid under my chair.....the nurse didn't connect the tubing to my IV and the drug was wasted on the floor. Marissa picked up the tube and called for the nurse....she yelled at Marissa to go wash the drug off cause it was toxic and they connected me. I was scared for Marissa. Her hands were covered in this toxix drug....but she didn't show a reaction. I hope and pray nothing happens to her. Last night was my big art show. I had 20 pieces hung and a ton of people came through the gallery. A few hours before the show, I was at the hospital, I had bleeding that wouldn't stop and was scared. But after getting a thumbs up to go to the show....it was nice and I was proud to among my friends. My stomach still feeling wierd..and I am just rocking the bald head.......but life goes on.
More to come

Fake hair!

To use a wig or not......I only know that it is really hot under the fake hair..........

I took my own picture

I took my own picture today......wanted proof of what I look like without hair. Strange and wierd. The double chin is worse then the baldness....
My nose seems larger....oh well it is what it is!

Bald...with peach fuzz

yesterday I tried styling my hair. I discoverd no styling around bald patches. So I called an old friend who has a salon and told her what was happening.....she asked me to come to her shop a.s.a.p. Marissa and I arrived with brave faces....and the shearing of my head began. Will not lie...a few tears were shed. We learned how to tie a scarf over my peach fuzz head and called and ordered some head coverings from the cancer society. Marissa headed for Jackson and we went to our favorite antique shop. I didn't feel wierd being out in public with a bald head and scarf. I most likely should not have been out in public with the demise of my immune system but threw caution to the wind and just had a day of normalcy. Later in the day we picked up Jenny and the first thing said is...."mom you are bald"! It was funny. I remembered when the girls were in FFA and they sheared thier sheep....I now know how the sheep felt. Lighter and cooler. I hadn't seen Armando all day.....he had slept most of the day preparing to go to work a graveyard shift. He got up for dinner, we carried on a conversation and he never noticed that my hair was gone. Thirty minutes passed and he came back out to the livingroom.....said "something is missing...oh you don't have hair." " you look pretty anyways" I wonder how long it would take him to notice if I had lost a limb....lol
Showering today was strange...I started to shampoo my hair as normal. Then laughed at myself. Life is funny being bald.

FIRST STRANDS

The first strands of hair came out today. Running my hands through my hair and noticed a smal clump of hair came out. I held it amazed, sad, and a little scared. I don't have any scarves ordered.....no wig.... I have the booklet but have not called. In a denial that this moment would not happen. My head has hurt all day.......a headache that felt that even the hair follicles hurt. I dreamed last night I woke up bald...in place of hair were sores. I couldn't go back to sleep....afraid of demons lurking in my dreams. My emotions are like waves....ebbing then crashing. I said before that the first sign of hair loss I would just shave it....less devastating to have it gone all at once then little by little. Will see what I actually do tomorrow.