Cancer and Christmas

Tis the season, Merry Christmas and Bah Humbug...I have been in remission for a couple of months.  I have had extreme pain in my joints and every part of my body. I called my Lupus doctor and he had me take a lot of tests.  My family has had a boat load of trials lately. So many that I am praying all day long for help. My faith is strong and some prayers have been answered.  But not all have been.  The most serious ones are still waiting for the grace of God.  I am afraid.  My cancer has come out of remission and it is not a worry for me.  My fears are for greater than my health.  I can't seem to find the Christmas spirit.  I usually love this time of year, but this year my worries and problems have seem to have taken over the joy.  I miss the Christmas's of before.  The times when my kids were little, my mom, and brother were alive and we would have huge Christmas Eve parties.  Tons of food, friends and fun.  Now kids are grown, and have extended family where they go to spend the holidays with.  My mom and brother are only memories.  I have a new husband and he is a gift.  He is kinder and more loving than I have ever had.  The worries over his health, have engulfed me.  I want to find the Christmas spirit but somehow it escapes me....