A new life

My life started over when Armando died. A freedom came with his passing.  Depression left, even with still having Lupus an NYL Lymphoma I began to thrive.  Doing social projects with the Chicas and making new friends was wonderful.  Each week my week was filled with a new activity and joy.  I no longer depended so much on my daughters for happiness but what I could do for myself.  I did things to make me happy.  I bought a bike a started riding around Midtown.  I started a losing weight slowly and taking better care of my appearance.  I felt joy again in the small things.  I started reconnecting with old friends and new friends.  It was if a dark cloud had been lifted over my life.  The light was shining in.  My daughters and I were not as close but we had an understanding and still cared for each other.  They were no longer my whole world and I was okay with that.
  I started going to happy hours with the Chicas after events.  I avoided them before because I did not drink and hearing their dating stories was not something I was interested in.  I became the designated driver to the happy hours and they were full of gossip and fun talk of their dating escapades.  I was on maintenance chemo and it was easy to manage.  I no longer felt bad asking for help.  Friends chipped in and brought food when I needed it during the chemo days. 
  I looked forward to the happy hours after the projects.  One night at El Torito's restaurant, someone thought I should have a dating experience.  My picture was taken with my camera phone and a profile was written.  That night I decided I would take it down the next day.  When I opened my email the following morning it was like opening the doors to the Chocolate Factory.  There were so many flirts and invitations to talk that my mailbox showed over 50 responses.  I was curious and started reading them.  Some were ok but some were interesting.  When Jennifer came home from work, I showed he all the emails.  We laughed and I told her I didn't think I could actually meet these men who had flirted and written, she balked.  She said "Mom that is a free coffee date or lunch that you are turning down. Go for it!"  I then thought this might be fun, and who could turn out a free lunch out?  My first date was with a man who worked at the state capital.  He was a few years older than I and divorced.  We talked on the phone and he seemed very smart and nice.  Our first date was a walk through Capital Park.  We chatted and found we had a lot in common.  He called that night for a second date.  I did not know what to suggest, and did what I know best...I asked if he would like to do high tea.  High tea was great for daughters and girlfriends, but not a real great date for a man.  Finger sandwiches and tea were not the best place for a man in a shop full of ladies with large hats and frilly dresses.  It was funny but we did have a good conversation.  We ended our date with him suggesting the next place.  We went out a few times, but his job was demanding and he was at the mercy of the state.  At that time it was a budget crisis time and a few dates were missed because he was pulling all nighter's with the senator he worked with.  I decided to explore some of the other email companions that kept emailing.
  My next date picture was of a man with a Mohawk.  He looked trendy, was a hair dresser and when we spoke on the phone sounded like he and I had a few things in common.  I agreed to meet for coffee at a Starbucks.  I chose one far from my home because I did not want a stranger knowing where I lived.  He only had one pic a face shot and that should have been a warning.  I always stated on my profile that I was not a Barbie but not Barney either.  I was overweight.  I did not want someone to be surprised when they met me.
 I sat in Starbucks waiting for him to arrive.  I carefully situated myself so I could see all the entrances and parking lot.  I saw a man pull up in an older car with a Mohawk.. My stomach fluttered with anticipation.  Then the door opened.  He was shorter than his profile stated.  I am 5'4" and I could tell he was shorter than me..  He was also rounder than his profile stated and his picture must have been taken 10 years ago.  My stomach sank as I knew this was not going to turn out well.  He spotted me and sat down.  I skipped the hug and extended my hand.  He was happy with me and said so.  He was chatty and began talking about his life.  He had been an addict but clean for 5 years now.  He was 43 and lived with his parents because they needed him in the house for security.  He had lots of tattoos and after he talked about himself nonstop for 30 minutes and never asked me about myself, I was done.  I told him I had to pick up my daughter from work and it was good to have met him.  He tried to reach in for a goodbye kiss and I skirted his massive embrace.  He asked if I would like to meet up again and I said I was not sure but would call.  Bye the time I headed for the freeway he had texted that he found me fabulous... I texted back that I thought it was not a match and thank you for the coffee.
  Each day emails flooded my inbox.  I would email first then graduate to phone conversations and if it seemed promising would meet up for a quick date.  Jennifer was right. This was a great way to try out the eateries I had wanted to try but could not afford.  No one though seemed to be my match.  I did get an offer by a financial planner to help with my pension plan and a ride in a restored 67 Chevy, but there was no one who really caught my eye.  At one point I started getting emails from a man named Robert.  He worked for the IRS and seemed very nice in his emails.  He lived in southern California but traveled to Sacramento for business once a month.  Each morning I had an email from him for almost a month.  I would email him back at his work and he always responded.  Then it occurred to me one day that he never emailed or called during the evening or weekend.  I had a sense that something was off.  I finally asked him in an email one morning if he was married.  He became very defensive.  He first claimed that he wasn't and I said then call me tonight.  He said he could not.  I just said, please admit you are married.  He did.  He said he was unhappy but with me, he could see a future with.  I declined.  I told him not to contact me anymore and he started sending 100's of emails a day.  I told him to stop or I would report him.  When I found out who his supervisor was and threatened to tell on him, he left me alone.  I was now really not wanting to do online dating.
  One night I was looking at profiles.   I saw a handsome man whose opening line was "if you are after my money, please don't write me."  It made me laugh and I thought he is not that good looking so as a joke I wrote him and asked how much money he had.  He responded with a witty reply and we began talking to each other.  He lived almost 2 hours away from me.  He finally asked me to lunch and I was so excited.  I was finally going to meet the man who made me laugh and the sweetest voice.  We agreed to meet at local hot lunch spot.  He called a half hour before our date and said he had made good time and was there.  I said I would be right there and went to meet John.
  I instantly recognized him as he got out of his truck.  He was cute, in a nice shirt and jeans.  I was all smiles as he was what his profile said he was.  He was kind.  He was self assured and a very good conversationalist.  Our lunch lasted hours.  The waiter asked if we were going on the Saturday Art Walk and after a brief explanation he said he would love to continue our date.  We looked in art galleries, had dinner and drinks and then we went to play pool.  I did not hesitate in getting in his truck.  I felt safe with him.  This was a first.  We started our date at 1130am and it ended close to midnight.  I told him my opinion on dating.  That dating was like the old box of cracker jacks.  Sometimes you got a prize but most time it was a sticker.  At the end of our date he asked if he was a sticker.  I said no, he was most definitely a prize.  We hugged good night and I was sorry to see him leave.  This was the first date I actually liked.
 John and I started dating on a weekly basis.  He would either drive down to see me or I would visit his home in Oroville.  He was an excellent cook and always was a gentleman.  We never ran out of things to talk about and enjoyed doing things together.  He met my daughters and they got along.  I met his daughters and also liked them and their families.  He sent me cards and flowers.  He would leave cards in my card when he visited or in my house to find.  This man was an angel.  I really started to like him. 
  I was the first one to utter the words I love you.  I was embarrassed when I said it...  He was surprised and I thought I scared him.  I said I didn't mean that..it was a slip of the tongue.
  The next time we saw each other, he held me and said this is not a slip of the tongue.. I love you.   I for the first time in my life knew I had found love.  It was awesome.  It was so sweet.  It was heaven.
  Each weekend we had a date night.  After a year of dating I had a fundraiser that featured my favorite movie Breakfast at Tiffany's.   John agreed to go with me to see the movie with Jennifer and another friend.  He said the next night we will have a date night and go to dinner just the two of us.  Lets dress up and make it a fancy night.  I was so excited.  He liked the movie and the next day we got dressed up for our fancy dinner at the steak house Morton's.  When we arrived he checked us in and they said our table was not ready, but the restaurant was half empty.  The manager said go into the bar and we will ready your table.  The drinks are on me.  This was exciting.  Our table was ready and we ordered.  We were told the specials and the waitress said they had a special dessert but it took so long to make that it had to be ordered at the beginning of the meal.  John knew I loved chocolate so he ordered it.  Over dinner we talked about the movie.  He asked me if I remembered the part when George Peppard asked Holly Golightly if she had been asked the 4 magic words by the Brazilian man.  I was like "oh yea the 4 magic words"..I looked at John as we were seated next to each other and started to say the words.......are and in a moment of quickness John pulled out a beautiful ring and said "The four magic words are Will you marry me?" I stared at the ring and cried.  I said yes. Suddenly there was a photographer that was taking our picture and we were kissing and embracing.  I said I need to tell my daughters...John responded that he had not asked for my hand in marriage but had told all the kids that he was proposing tonight.  I was so surprised. I never felt more loved in my life.
He proposed on 4/20/12.
  It took tons of planning and stress but with the help of my friends, one who became an online minister to marry us. And the help of our families we were married on 8/11/12.  I had the fairy tale wedding that I never had.  Breakfast at Tiffany's was our theme and colors.  It was beautiful, it was the most amazing night of my life.