Valentines Day

I hate Valentines Day. I am struggling with not having a person in my life to love and cherish. Instead I babysat my grandbaby so her mom could go out on a romantic date with her husband. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my grandbaby, but compared to past Valentine Days, this one sucks. Getting a card from your daughter is not the same as someone writing you a love note or sending you a surprise. When I was married, even though I was abused, I somehow recieved flowers and a gift. It was more out of guilt than love, but I knew I was part of the crowd that was celebrating and not alone. Today I am just alone.

I had breakfast with an old friend the other day. I had not seen her in 6 years and we had a lovely time. The only thing that caught me off guard was the comment after I remarked how wonderful she looked. She quickly told me, I know I look great don't I?? I had the bypass surgery now I have a tiny figure, I feel bad that you still have the same body. I have always been a overwieght since having my children. I am an emotional eater. For the most part I have happy with my body image. But the simple statement took the wind out of my sails. I felt ashamed that I had not had the surgery and looked like her. It only added to my depression that I don't have anyone in my life right now. Made me hate today even more.

A friend recently took another approach to wieght loss, exercised and changed her way of eating, every pound she dropped was earned. So I guess having a surgery to make you thin is not something I should aspire to have. Perhaps, going back to the gym and watching the what I eat is the way to make my life happier. I pray this day passes quickly. I really hate this day.