Masks

I have a coping skill. It works for me during times of stress and depression. I wear a smile on my face and tell everyone I am ok, no matter what is going on with me. I call it my coping mask. When Armando used to beat me, I told no one. I used lots of makeup if he hit me in the face and long sleeves to cover bruises. When questioned by doctors, I always said I was very clumsy and falling. I find myself wearing a new mask lately. Things are really bad. My best friend is in a coma. My daughter is still trying to find work and things are just not going well in my life. I pray and give thanks to God but when people ask me how I am doing I smile and say I am ok. I don't want people to pity me or don't want them to cry for me. I dress up in bright colors, do my makeup and hair and put on the mask that everything is okay. Even when my health is failing, I just say things are fine. It is ok. Do people really want the truth anyways? They ask how you are, but do they want to hear how bad it is. When you open up some people stay around, some say you have a lot on your plate right now, maybe we can do something later......

I have not been able to sleep lately, but have a face brightner product that makes the bags under my eyes look smaller. A little lipstick and a nice envelope is the mask I wear to hide the garbage that is barely able to be contained.

I miss my talking to my friend and hearing her say just breathe.....making me smile when I could not even think about smiling. I feel I am a hostage to all my hopes and fears. I hide behind the mask that is OK.