Lets play catch up

Today is a catch up blog. I have not felt like writing lately, instead I have been just thinking about things and stewing in my own grief of circumstances. A phone call from the oncologist revealed that my node is surrounded by fluid. It does not have the look of Non Hodgkin's lymphoma so it is being left to grow. I also have a tyroid problem now. It apparently is not working and medication was ordered. My vitamin D level is non existant also adding to the pain I am constantly in. Mega doses have been precribed. I have SLE Lupus so I can not be in the sun, a source of vitamin D. Since I don't get any sun my body does not produce any vitamin D. I long for a week on a beach somewhere warm. A place to forget about my medical and finacial problems. Depression has been my buddy lately. The cancer, Lupus, and lack of resources has taken its toll. Death seems to be in the air, I went to a funeral last week and learned yesterday that my friends baby died a few days ago. Why must death be so close by when I fight each day to survive. Maybe it is a passage, where you attend more funerals than baptisms. I hate baby showers but they are much preferred to a funeral.

Years ago when I began painting, my goal was to be in a mueseum with one of my paintings. I have had many art shows at galleries but have never been able to elevate to the mega nirvana of an art Mueseum. I wrote to the Latino Art mueseum after having a few shows years ago. I recieved one of those polite letters saying only established artists were asked to show their work. I was not considered established so it has only been a dream to one day show there.

Two days ago I recieved an email from the curator of the Latino Art Mueseum, when I saw it I thought it was just annoucing a new show coming up. It was in spanish and though I am billingual, I thought I was reading it wrong. It sounded like an invitation to be in a show. I was not sure to believe it so I used the handy google translation tool and translated it to english. I held my breath and reread the email. YES it was in fact an invitation to show. The thrill was overwhelmning.....and then the fine print, this was a juried show, therefore there was a showing fee. My medication bill each month is over 300 hundred dollars a month. I wanted to show in this mueseum so bad, but had to face reality. I did not have an extra 100 dollars to spare. My self protection buddy of depression kicked in and I wrote back to the curator a thank you note and said bluntly that I could not afford the fee, but thanks for thinking of me. I never expected anything back, but a few hours later another email arrived from the curator. She wrote that she was willing to waive the fee and I was still able to show 2 paintings. I am so excited about this. Finally something good has happened. My artwork will not be in a storefront gallery but in a pretigous mueseum.

Cancer is still a huge part of my life, but I am looking at whole picture now, that my life may not be easy or perfect, but there are moments of joy too. So for today, I embrace the joy.