Dia de los Reyes

Today for the Latino culture is Dia de los tres Reyes, three kings day. When I was little I would place a box with grass under my bed just before I went to sleep and in the morning I would wake up and find small gifts. The day is last day of Christmas for Latinos, when The Three Kings brought gifts to baby Jesus.

When my daughters were little, we celebrated this tradition, but it faded away as believing in the Easter bunny and even the Tooth Fairy.

This was the hardest Christmas I have had to endure in a long time. When I was married, I traded my soul and body for a better life. I endured domestic abuse because the poverty of young was traded for a better life, filled with designer purses, new cars, and a no limit spending habit.

When I finally got the courage to leave, I was on a small pension from my old employer and Social Security. My daughter Jennifer offerred me her spare bedroom and with a strict budget, clipping coupons and shopping at bargain grocery stores my life changed. I no longer could afford to spend things on a whim, but with the mounting debt of medicines and medical co-pays and Jennifer picking up the most of the household bills like rent, utilities, we did okay.

Then the bottom fell out a few days after Thanksgiving. Jennifer was laid off. My income would have to take care of everything. I had gotten my spending down to a science. Every penny was accounted for and even saved a few dollars each month to take a yearly vacation.........but without her income life changed quickly. The extra expense of rent and utilities far exceeds what I bring in each month. She has applied for every job possiable, friends have given her job leads but nothing has come through. Christmas is not about the gifts but this year, I could not afford to buy anything for anyone. We spent Christmas at a family members house and it had been decided that the adults would not exchange gifts......but they broke that and bought gifts for each other, and as Jennifer and I watched and smiled did not participate in the gift exchange.

I could not wait to get home and even though we had a small tree, It quickly was taken down because it just stood as a reminder that life had hit another speed bump.

Each month, I refill my precriptions. The bill ends up being about 200 dollars a month. I had enough money to cover in December, but yesterday I needed to refill and I found myself deciding what I could do without. As a cancer patient, with high blood pressure and SLE Lupus deciding what drugs I could live without was hard. I applied for aid but I don't qualify because I am not poor enough.

I have 6 doctor appointments this month and each appointment has a copay......A new lump has appeared in my armpit area so I am affraid not to go to the appointments.

We made some changes on our monthly bills, cutting down as much as we could but I am embarassed to say, that I sitll don't have enough to cover it all.

Last week, my other daughter went on a vacation, It was humbling to say the least that I went and took groceries that would expire because we needed lunch items. For the last few days I have been unable to sleep because my brain will not turn off. Jen has a few interviews and I pray that something comes through. She has applied to every thing even working in fast food and still nothing....both our self esteems have plummeted to the ground.

Each month for the last year, my womans group and I volunteer at the shelter for homeless women. One night after volunteering, another woman said that most women in the shelter were just not trying hard enough to find a way out of being homeless. I was offended by the remark then and even more so now. I don't have a safety blanket, I am unable to work and with the job market as it is I am closer to being a client in that shelter then ever.

So last night I prayed that perhaps on the Dia de los Tres Reyes, perhaps things would change.......Jennifer will find a job, and slowly we will dig our way out of this finacial mess. Somehow, someway things will get better......but for now, I am trying to believe that this last day of Christmas will bring something good......even though I did not put a box of grass under my bed.