When you feel abandoned

Yesterday after a long time Jen and I were invited to go Roseville and visit Marissa. It seems as if spending time with us is not something she looks forward to. She has not said it, but her tone and look on her face speaks volumes. Conversation goes on about parenting, body size, politics and the over precribing of drugs. I get offended at some of the comments. Marissa believes she turned out a good person because of what she had inside. That is most likely true, but what is forgotten that I parented them, taught them and tried to instill values and morals. She doesn't realize it but the conversation is hurtful. Then the dreaded quizzing on how much time we spend at the gym comes up....No one has to tell us we need to exercise more, we know it by looking in the mirror each day. I try to explain that my doctor has forbidden me to go to the gym because my joints are under attack from the cancer and lupus. The doctor feels I can hurt myself and suggests going to a water class. I feel embarassed and like I am being talked down to. We leave the house and in the middle of the night, the thoughts and pieces of the conversation come into my dreams and wake me up. I feel so depressed. I write Marissa a letter and say I was hurt by the conversation....and I deserve to be treated differently. She feels I am being bitchy and needy and lets me know. Finally she says she does not want tot talk to me, and I am left feeling worse than ever. I call her on her way home and she is mad and still feels like I am trying to make her feel bad because of her opinions. I say I am sorry, I don't want to fight or have strain between us and I am dissmissed. I have not been able to stop crying. My heart aches and the daughter I once had has changed. She no longer cares about my feelings, only those opinions of another and his feelings. I feel hopeless and horriable. I feel abandoned and want to just give up.