Pain, pain go away come again another day

I am in so much pain. It has been weeks maybe months that my back, hips and leg are feeling like they have turned againest me. I am taking so much of morphine and percocet that I am fearful of what damage that is doing to my liver......I am not sure if this cancer or lupus related but I just know I hurt so bad that there are no words that can describe it. Today I hurt so bad that I can't stop crying wishing for relief and frustrated that I feel so awful. I wish I had someone to hold me and just lie and say I will be ok......but alas I don't have that luxury. I am trying not to give into the depression but feel overwhelmned today. Going to the bathroom has become a marathon with each step I take.

The meds make me feel tired but then I get stiff from not moving. I want to go to the gym because the steriods are causing me to gain wieght but I hurt so bad. I am still recovering from the outing of the 4th of July. I hurt so bad that it compares to being hit by a car.....I wish I had someone to hold me and lie and say it will be okay....don't have that luxury....I guess I never had.