another sleepless night

Yep, another sleepless night.......I follow my routine, take my sleep meds and you would think my body would fall asleep, but my mind is racing and the sleep I desire is not in reach. Nothing has changed in my health other than I havc given blood so much this week that I think my HMO is actually a fuel spot for vampires. My primary doctor ordered tests.....trying to figure out if some of the physical problems I am having is Lupus and since my Oncologist is out on Paternity leave until next week, my doctor is trying to fit puzzles pieces together yet they do not seeem to fit. I have been in a mood, giving up worrying and succumbing to my fate of whatever will happen will happen. I met a new friend, a former phone company employee battling them as I have in the past. I have enjoyed the exchange of emails....the distraction of having someone else who has experienced the nonsensicle logic of my former employer is welcome right now. An email friendship that in a few days took my mind off the tumor that is growing inside me. Life has a funny way doing the art of distraction.

Just like the chicken who I have named AWOL is now a daily part of my life. When my car pulls up.....she runs from her hiding spot to great me.....it is funny that a hen acts like a dog. She cuckles and I feed her....when I am not early enough for her in the morning she taps on the door...I peek through the peephole and no one is there.....then I open the door and there she is...waiting for her breakfast.

The weather is warm now....last Saturday, my best friend Manuel took me to see the San Francisco Giants. He had VIP tickets from his work and we were treated like VIPS! We got to see the traveling mueseum of the negro league baseball teams and meet one of the oldest living players. Irving Castillo from the old Kansa City Monarchs. You could see in this old baseball player eyes the joy of being asked for an autograph. His manner was that of grace and I felt priveledged to have had him sign a ball. We saw Barry Bonds hit homerun number 744. He hit it on the first pitch and it sailed into the bay, People cheered and I thought......would he have hit that ball if he had not used steriods like they say....one will never know.

This weekend is mothers day. My daughters are planning a surprise......it always includes brunch.....I wonder what they have planned. Last year we toured the mansions in the fabulous 40's in Sacramento. They have been used in movies because they resemble houses from the south. The tour was interesting and beautiful to see how the other half lives....the Sacramento rich and famous who open up their homes and gardens. One year they took me to San Francisco to see one of my favorite artists exhibits...Dega' and his ballerina scuplture.

Who knows what this year will hold but since I have an expiration date stamped on my soul.....I will enjoy anything they come up with.

When you are diagnosed with cancer, the doctor gives you a guess on how long you have to live. I was told 3 t0 5 years.....it has been 3 years......Everyone knows that one day they will die, but when you are told that you have a limited time.....as much as you try not to think of it, the date is always on your mind.

But life goes on.....new paintings to be painted, new photos to be taken, and new friends to be made. Maybe sleep will come soon.....and my mind will rest.