Chemo and CT results

Yesterday I had maintence chemo and saw my oncologist for the results of the CT scan. I woke up early, my daughter had come home the night before as she is my chemo driver and buddy. I was happy to have her in the house and left for my appts. hopeful and in a good mood. The doctor's nurse called me for the consultation with the doctor before the treatment. I always go in alone at first so if there is bad news I can process it alone before I have to face my daughter. Dr. Wang came in and as usual handed me a sheet of paper with the CT results....he said tell me about your symtoms. I told him about the extreme fatigue of late...feeling so tired yet not able to sleep because of pain. I told him of the itchy feet and hands, and the painful lumps in my stomach area. I glanced at the ct report and it glared at me ...pelvic tumor has significantly increased in size.

It is now larger than 7.5 cm almost 3 inches in lenght.

I ask about the report and he says he is concerned about the tumor, but because of my size (ie I am fat) I am at high risk for a biopsy. It could cause bleeding and infection. Basically you are too fat to explore why this tumor does not respond to the maintence chemo and tumor are growing again in other places. He is not sure if he wants me to start the harsh chemo again because it destroys stem cells and then my body will not respond to treatment anymore. We are at a medical standoff.....to treat or not to treat. He is going to conference with other doctors meanwhile I am to have some tests run.

Fear and hopelessness have become my companions again. This battle is like a circle or wheel....one moment you are at the top then you are dropped to the bottom with notice......I want off this ride.