Unsure

A week from tomorrow I will maintence chemo. This Saturday I will have a CT scan to see if the cancer is growing again....I am unsure on how I am feeling about this. On one hand I have gone through bad news before and know what the treatment options are, and the other hand I know what it is to be in remission.

Therefore since I have experienced both sides I mentally should be prepared, but I am not. The scenarios play over and over again in my head. Fear creeps in and I find myself feeling unsure and nervous. I want to hear good news but am afraid to wish for that......lately every day on the news all you hear about are cancer stories. I am tired of that. It robs me of hope.

The countdown begins......wonder what the outcome will be.