The ER

The other night, I felt some pressure on my chest. A sense of blackness started to come over me. It was almost midnight and I had been laying in bed trying to sleep when this all started. My heart started pounding and I felt lightheaded. I slowly made my way to the bathroom and it felt like I was going to fall over. I took my blood pressure with my little machine. It showed my BP was 186 over 126. I waited 10 minutes and took it again. It was the same. I did not want to call 911 but thought I should call someone. I called the advise nurse and she said get to the hospital as soon as possiable, call 911. I dailed the number and woke Jennifer. I let them know of my BP and pressure. I had a headache. Within minutes two fire trucks and an ambulance arrived at my door. Jennifer let them in and I was hooked up to monitors. My BP was still high, and nitro was sprayed twice under my tongue and I was given baby asprins to chew on. I was told to lay on a gurney and with Jennifer in the front of the ambulance off to the ER at my HMO we went. They took an EKG, sprayed more nitro under my tongue and they tried to put in an IV. The paramedic could not find a vien. I was deheydrated. From his attempts, blood gushed out from the fruitless attempts. We arrived at the ER and as blood leaked from my arm they put me in a room where nurses using a baby needle found a vien and an IV was started. They did another EKG and sent me for chest xrays and took lots of blood.

From where the paramedic poked me, the blood kept bleeding through the bandage.

They gave me some meds through the IV. Finally after some tests were done, a doctor came in.

He said he was unsure why my BP was so high but thought it was because I was having some bowel problems.....part of the process he said. I have a DNR so no procedures can be done. Only pain meds can be given. After a night of them observing me, I was asked if I wanted to go home.

Jennifer and I had no car so I had to call my friend Manuel to ask a favor if he would bring us home. Jennifer had called family members to tell them where I was.....no one offered to come.

We were alone. I am alone in this battle. All I can think of is the phrase this is all part of the process.....maybe being alone is part of that process too.