Things change

Things change sometimes without you really noticing....and when they are gone you mourn the loss of what was once there. I used to look forward to Sundays, it was a day that I would cook for the girls and we would do something to spend time together. I recieved a lot joy, making a special meal and hearing them gossip and laugh. Slowly Sundays were moved to a dinner or lunch during the week, now the get togethers do not happen at all. I can not complain or say anything for the fear of what will be said and further distance will be brought on. Depression has not changed. It still is my constant companion as is the cancer I live with. It grows slowly unchecked because chemo is no longer an option. Things that were constants in my life are like grasping onto sand...they just slip through my fingers leaving a faint memory of once was. Times are harder now....I was granted spousal support and Armando left his job....my car was broken into and I spent my savings on car rentals and deductables....I no longer feel secure, just feel like I am hanging by a thread. No one notices that I don't sleep.....that I cry silently in my room. I would have never imagined my life as it is now. If you would have said that my relationships would be different with my family a few years ago, I would have laughed in your face.......now life seems to be mocking me....tempting me with the memories of what once was.

life just keeps changing....not getting better just changing.