The end of the chemo journey

This morning started out badly. My car was broken into and they destroyed my dashboard in search of nothing really. They took some tools that I use for my art. They took my sense of security since it happened just a few feet from my door. As I cried driving to chemo wondering if I could afford my deductable to repair my car I felt like what else could go wrong.....I guess I should not have thought that.

My Oncologist felt the large lumps in my stomach area and told me that Chemo was no longer an option for me. I had been on it too long and it was not working. Causing more damage than slowing the beast. I would no longer go to my seat in the infusion center seeing the nurses who have become friends. I was know alone. No treatment in my future. The message that was given to me 4 years ago on December 21st to just enjoy the rest of my life was once again being told to me. No options are available. Not sure how long I have but to try have a good quality of life. How does one have that when you know the beast is growing inside you? How do you stop your brain from wondering if you will miss milestones like grandchildren and weddings. I am afraid.....I am tired of bad news....I can not catch a break .......depression looms........death looms near by....just not sure how close it is. Like an island in the ocean....image seems closer than it actually is......