lost

I don't know what to do. I feel lost. It feels as if I am in a tunnel and there is no light. My credit cards are maxed out from buying my meds and I do not have any other resources and feel abandoned by all. I have not left the house for days...just laying on the couch feeling hopeless. I have pain, but don't dare take any more meds for fear of running out faster. My birthday and thanksgiving is next week and I find no joy. I try to think of the positives and have a hard time finding any. Tears just keep rolling and since no one is around to see, they silently fall.