Advanced Directive

I am at a loss today. My spirits have dipped to an all time low. I was turned away from chemo the other day because of high blood pressure and unexplained wieght loss. I had a CT scan on Palm Sunday and have been waiting for the results. My oncologist went on vacation so I have been anxiously waiting to hear......Today my lawyer called to talk about my divorce. She asked about my health and I told her that I was not being treated because I was too sick for chemo. She said then we need to do an advanced directive and a will so your wishes will be honored if something was to happen to you. I knew this was going to happen....just was hard to hear and discuss. Was I willing to have a Do NOT Recisitate order? I was.....only pain meds will be given if I am past the point of no return.....My daughter is in charge of making those decisions....I have told her...I do not want any extradordinary measures taken if it looks like I would have to live on a machine. I had to state to be buried or cremated......and divide up my property. This is easier said than done. Tears streamed down my face as I told her what my wishes were....I felt a pain of guilt that my daughter will have to face this challenge.....one I faced for my own mom. It carries a guilt when you are making life and death decisions.....I was scarred by it. I hope my daughter will not be. I write this so all know what my wishes are.....so she is not questioned when the time comes. I have never felt so alone as I did today talking to the lawyer. Old memories flood my mind.....fear grasps my heart. I am so overwhelmned with saddness....to actually face death now and see it staring me back in the mirror.