St Patrick's Day

Today is St. Patrick's day.....and I am actually looking forward to eating one of my favorite foods of corned beef. There has been some anxiety in my life lately. The high blood pressure, the ct scan and the unknown of treatment options has me a little on edge. This is actually a holy day...the last week of lent and most people celebrate by drinking green beer and going to bars. How I wish I could be that carefree and do that...but instead I will spend the day doing normal household things and stress that it will be a week before I hear back from the oncologist. I wonder even though I don't want to if treatment is over for me. I have so many regrets....one of the biggest regret is that I have unintentionally hurt people by speaking my mind and not thinking before I spoke. I have not found the love of my life and wonder if that is just a myth....I see my daughter with her boyfriend and I am filled with joy at the fact that she is so happy with him. He treats her like a treasure and is always trying to make her happy and feel loved. I am grateful for that. I know true love exist because I have witness it.....I just wonder why I was not lucky enough to have found it. I am flawed that I was not able to find "the one".
I want to do so much with time I have left....I hope I can check off the list of things before fate decides my time is over....I am searching....and a little lost.