silver lining

Depression and stress has become stronger in my life lately. I have not been able to find a lawyer to help with the divorce and nothing seems to be working out. Life was really shitty when I was being abused but all I had to stress about was the cancer. `I expected the beatings so they were a part of my life. Now money, loneliness and cancer are things that are on my mind constantly. I want to find myself not regretting the fact that I left an abusive relationship but I confess that having myself beat up made problems with money were never an issue. I used money to cover up the fact that I was abused. Now I don't have that coping mechanism. I am broke, Armando still tortures me whenever he gets a chance and I am so depressed over the fact that I don't have a stable place to live. I don't have the ability to see my girls often, and I feel that there is a feeling that they are growing up away from me. A natural part of life but one that I wish was not happening now. I can't sleep and I feel more pain. I don't see nor do I talk to my best friend at all. He doesn't return calls and when I do connect with him plans are broken to meet up. I find that so much of my life has been lost that I can't seem to find many positives lately. I thought my life was getting a fresh start, but I can't seem to find it......its lost with all the negative shit that is happening all around. I am not sure where my silver lining is. I want to be happy but I just don't know what happy is anymore. I thought having cancer was bad, but to be honest all of this is bad........