Marissa's bday and stuff

Marissa's birthday was July 12th. It was celebrated with a dinner with a small group of friends at her favorite pizza place. The day was overshadowed by recent events. It was a bittersweet day. I wanted her to have a normal day, but with days prior to her bday it was hard to stay in the moment. On Monday the incident with my husband happend. On Tuesday I had a camera put inside me and on Wednesday I had Chemo. Then Thursday was her birthday. The evening was celebrated but I was physcally sick from the medical procedures and emotionally drained. I did my best to try to make her day special and if academy awards could be given for faking it I would get one. She is a woman and it is hard not to think of her as my little girl. My wish is that I have not scarred her or her sister on what a healthy relationship is.

I thank all of you friends and family for sending emails and calls of help and support. I am overwhelmned and grateful for them. I have not had the guts to respond to them, because of the sense of shame and embarrassment I feel.

I can not thank you enough for the kind words and love you have sent me.

I am in a holding pattern at this point. Finding a lawyer, trying to figure out how and where I am going to live has been something I have been working on. The worst part is I know I have to leave my house. The house that my kids grew up in and I bought from my mom. I remodeled it to my taste and needs. I will miss the kitchen of my dreams....with all the custom cabinets, granite and stainless steel. I will miss the tile floor that it tooked me weeks to pick out. I will not be able to afford the house note....I will miss the memories of this house.

Starting over is hard.....pray for me.....wish me luck.