the old photo

I was picking up around the house today and came across some old photos. It was a picture of me standing next to my horse when I was in high school. We lived on a ranch in Oregon. I looked at the photo and noticed all the changes....first off I was young and fit and had a smile on my face that looked like I had no cares and the world was a new adventure. When I was in high school so long ago, gas was .39 cents a gallon, Mcdonalds only sold hamburgers, fries, and shakes.......there were not happy meals, salads or chicken items. Dairy Queen was the place to eat at and hang out at. Doing the hustle was the lastest dance craze...as was dancing the moves from Saturday Night Fever. I recieved a scholarship to Oregon State University and was looking forward to new life in a larger city with more diverse friends. The town we lived in, I was the only hispanic in my high school. In the picture I would not have imagined my life as it is today. I was healthy, playing sports, riding my horse daily and had large dreams.....My biggest worry at that time was about having a boyfriend that my family approved of.

Fast forward many years, and my life is nothing of what it was. I can hardly walk without having to stop and catch my breath. There is not a day that I do not have pain in some place in my body. I do not eat beef......nor fast food. Gas is over 3.00 dollars a gallon.....and I have handicap plates on my car. Instead of worrying about boyfriends, I worry about cancer treatment options and who will take me to treatments. I cry over friendships lost and the feeling of being a burden to my family. I think about the music that will be played at my funeral. I want Goo Goo Dolls "Iris", Sarah Mclauglin "will you remember me" and Martina Mcbrides ' "In my daughters eyes". I hope that tears will be shed not for my passing but tears of laughter over the dumb things I have done or said.

In that old picture, I would never imagined that cancer would be a part of my life. I wish I could have done some things over....I wish I would have held my tongue when I was unhappy about something that was done or said. I wish I had said I love you more to my friends and family. I wish I would have been kinder to my friends and family. I wish I would have spent less money on purses and more on vacations with friends and family. I can not go back in time and change it....but from this moment on.....I promise I will be more loving, kinder and open. I will be more of who I wanted to be.