One door closes another door opens

4am and I am again awake. I watched "the pursuit of happiness" because in the middle of the night, mostly infomercials are on. As I watched the struggle of Chris Gardner as he chased happiness throughout the movie, I began to reflect on how I have chased happiness and at times I am wrapped in it and at others I feel it is just beyond my reach....or slipping through my fingers as I struggle to hang onto it. When you are not sleeping you reflect on your life and what has worked and what did not. There are moments I would not trade for buckets of gold and others I would pay not to experience again. But perhaps that is flawed thinking for the mistakes and hardships, I have learned many things things from them. In some aspects of my life I have become stronger and more self confident for the lessons I learned through my mistakes. I heard a phrase once that when you are going through a tough time that you should stop and thank God for he is teaching you a lesson. In the middle of the crisis to stop and say to yourself what am I learning from this is hard. It is easy to fight againest the tide then to let the crisis tide take you along. I am tired from lack of sleep lately.....I am tired of hearing of cancer stories on TV. I am just plain tired.

I am waiting for the next chapter of my life to begin......for that door to open with new challenges and surprises. I want to not to pursue happiness but to be immersed in it. For now I would settle for full night of sleep.