Does that high school feeling ever end?

Do you remember being in high school and being picked for teams? You never wanted to be the last one picked and you always wanted to be included in all the plans your friends were making.
When I was in high school I can remember the feelings of insecurity and hurt if I was not invited to big party or cruise event. Nothing hurt more than to hear about how your friends did something and didn't include you. Then you grow up and you become an adult and those feelings and insecurities go away right?? I don't know about you but I still feel insecure at times.
I have had the same core base of friends for over 20 years....they have seen my children at birth to graduating from college, as I have seen theirs. I have dropped things at a moment's notice to go help them out in their time of need and most have been here for me in my times of need.
There is a poem about friends that some friends stay in your life for a season than they move on, I never had that until this last few years. My core base of friends stepped up when I was diagnosed with cancer offering emotional and other support. One friend pulled away. My phone calls and emails went unreturned. I knew this friend had a busy life, and attributed the lapse to a overwhelmning life and perhaps not being able to handle the chaos of my life.
The other night a call came in.......the caller ID said it was my old friend. She was calling to invite me to her birthday celebration. I felt like I was being invited back into her life......we chatted but there was a void. I had gone with another old friend and when we left, we talked about the evening. It was shared how an ivitation to go out to dinner and dancing was extended. The old feeling of not being picked for a team from high school suddenly kicked in. I was not invited.
Insecurities of not being good enough, maybe too fat flooded my mind. The friend went out and called to say what a great time was had. I again felt hurt. My friends are not connected at the hip and are free to do and go anywhere.......but that old high school feeling kicked in. I was not wanted. I guess insecurties never leave. They just change the way you process them.